the Biblical Design for Sexuality
Just a quick heads up: this page isn’t a treatise.
We’re not going to try to lay out a thorough, conclusive argument here proving that the Bible, and by extension God, affirms heterosexual marriage as the good and intended purpose for our gender and sexuality, and that any sexual activity outside those bounds is sinful. That debate is being engaged by much brighter and more experienced minds than ours, and if that’s what you’re after then we’ll happily point you in the direction of more thorough explorations of the topic. We may even give our two cents in the debate—but that’s not the primary function of our group. We’re here because there are folks who find the traditional Biblical sexual ethic compelling, but they find desires and tendencies within themselves or their loved ones that run counter to that ethic. We explore that collision of faith and reality, and the complex Christian life that results.
Suffice it to say, then, that we affirm heterosexual marriage as the only context for which God intended sex. We see it as an ultimately freeing thing to lean into God’s will for our bodies in this way, and—to say nothing of Jesus’ call to follow and trust him/God even in the absence of complete understanding—we see a lot of deep, meaningful value in this traditional Biblical sexual ethic.
Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
John 8:31-32
However, a lot of baggage has to be unpacked from this stance for us to understand each other correctly. Here are a few things we are not supporting, since we don’t see them anywhere in this Biblical ethic:
Dehumanizing, disowning, or dismissing those who hold to other viewpoints. All humans, by virtue of being images of God and our literal kinsfolk, deserve to be taken seriously and engaged with respectfully. Well-meaning but misinformed and misguided folks have assumed the role of “Values Defender” in the past, and have prioritized that mission over innate human value. We’ve all done it, consciously or not, on one topic or another, both Christians and everyone else. But in the process, individuals get trampled by ideological rallies. We’d much rather get a drink and talk it out.
We’re also not about prioritizing “correction” in our support of LGBTQ+ individuals. It is central to Jesus’ teaching that it is by grace, through faith alone that we become true children of God -- our behavior does not play a determinative role in this. By extension, then, neither do our flaws. God has a long history of loving bumblers and accepting them into the family without demanding that they change first. There is a time and place for encouraging and helping each other to live in line with Created Intent—after all, what good is having a guide to God’s heart and to human thriving, if we never crack it open and use it? —but that sort of growth belongs within the context of grace, not ever as a prerequisite of it. (Note: please don’t read any of that as a dodgy defense of conversion therapy practices; it’s absolutely not)
Idolizing marriage as the only true source of fulfilling and enduring relationships. This can creep into Christian communities easily, and it concerns us. This isn’t to deny that marriage may well be the single most intimate and meaningful expression of human relationship, or that it may well be the best and most accessible symbol of our relation to Jesus. It is only to acknowledge that our captivation with marriage, while warranted, can become an obstacle to folks who haven’t been given that gift—folks trying to explore Paul’s excitement around singleness while living in a culture that leaves little room for them to do so.
What we do support, however, is engaging with our Father’s creative intent: not only because he would have us do it (which would be enough reason!), but because we’ve found such peace and security in his arms that the opportunity to learn more about him through literally living out his designs is too good to pass up. If we’re made in his image, then there must be enormous insight into God in our own physiology. That physiology is flawed, of course, as are our means of understanding it—but as we continue to grow in Spirit-fueled love for God, Humanity, and Creation, we’ll also come to see more and more of our Father’s splendor and wisdom reflected in his works.
Imagine finding a new book by your favorite author, one that is widely regarded as one of his or her quintessential works but has somehow eluded you up to this point. You’re going to want to read it, relish it, and for the same reason we’re talking about here.